A Lesson in Politics

“Principal Miller, Franklin Faculty, and fellow students at Franklin School……”

As a sixth grader at Franklin School in Cape Girardeau, Missouri in the fall of 1965, if one was bestowed the honor of being his or her classroom Student Council Representative, this person automatically became a candidate for President of the Student Council, to be voted on by all students in all grades at the school. I was not aware of this, when I was put on the ballot for class representative in Mr. Gehring’s class.  When I did learn of this fact, I instantly became a reluctant candidate, knowing full well that a speech in front of the entire school was now imminent. Yikes!  My opponent in the race was my friend Skip Reams.

In my life up to this point I was not much of a leader. My childhood had up to that point demonstrated that I was always a good and faithful follower, however.  I preferred being on the periphery; out of the spotlight. There were plenty of good friends that fell into that leadership role much better than I did. To say I was uncomfortable with this Student Council President business was an understatement. I just didn’t want any part of it.
I am also a procrastinator. With our assembly on Monday, I had not written my speech, planning to do so on the Sunday evening before, as was typical. In fact, I spent Sunday afternoon hanging around with my friend Jim Limbaugh playing football in the neighborhood. As the afternoon shadows began to lengthen, we found ourselves hanging out in the Cotner’s back yard on Hillcrest Drive, and sneaking shy looks at the Cotner girls and their friends bouncing on their trampoline. Jimmy and I were passing the football back and forth in an attempt to impress the girls, look casually cool, and most of all, to try to mask our obvious ogling. At some point, I went out for a pass and face-planted in full stride into a large tree trunk! I think I actually saw stars, and heard a few audible gasps from those nearby. The impact left a raw patch of skin on my right cheek about the size of a deck of playing cards. It stung, but of course I acted like it was nothing.

When I got home, the “Oh My” expression on Mom’s face let me know it was not “nothing”. By then, my cheek had gone from an oozing, pulpy mass to being scabbed over, and was too big of course to hide with a bandage. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I was thinking about school, speeches, standing in front of hundreds of grossed out kids with this hideous disfigurement. I simply told Mom: “I’m staying home tomorrow”. I just blurted it out, and for an instant, thought that I would get away with it. This really solves everything. I would be spared the tortuous speech writing tonight, the gut wrenching speech practicing, and the terrifying speech itself in front of all those kids!

Of course, this didn’t work. I wrote my speech, including Dad’s suggestion of directly addressing my disfigured face with a joke at the start: something lame about “losing a battle with a tree trunk, playing football, and I think the tree is going to live”. The rest of my speech was also pretty lame. It contained the usual bilge about trying to make Franklin a better school, by working more closely with the teachers, being better students by listening better, obeying the rules, blah blah blah.

The next morning, my self-consciousness was in overload. The ordeal started as a bad dream that I could not awaken from. I felt awful. The wound on my cheek throbbed. I was certain everyone was staring, whispering, pointing. That was my frame of mind as I stammered though my speech in the Franklin Gym that day. I’m not even sure how I made it through. My only chance seemed to be for the sympathy vote.

Then it was Skip’s turn. In Skip’s speech, he vowed to do his best to accomplish the following:

1.   A candy store in the lobby of Franklin School
2.   Longer recesses
3.   Free Coke and Seven-up to replace water in the water fountains.

Wow, I never saw that coming. I found out many years later that Skip’s older brother Ricky and his pal Bill Harrelson wrote his speech. They never announced the actual vote totals, but I’m sure it was not even close. I have to believe that this wily, brilliant political speech helped earn Skip the election. Hell, Skip had my vote if he could pull off any one of those things!

I would never run for anything ever again.